yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
