is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
