My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
