I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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