I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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