actually, I'm a sock model
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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