I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Is her dick bigger than yours?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
