I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
