Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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