I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
