So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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