It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
