I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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