nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
