ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
