gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
not ubering you a puppy
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
