I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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