The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
