Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
