I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
