if you like me you must not know who I am
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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