There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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