we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
