I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
