I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
