I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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