I can tuck mytits in my pants
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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