I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize