Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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