good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
