Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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