dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
