OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
