There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
