i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize