why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize