i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize