i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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