he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize