You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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