fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
