Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
