so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
