you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
