I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
