Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
