This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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