I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
