i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
