At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Randomize
