I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
