I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
