Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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