now i know why i became what i already was.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
