One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
The beer is more important than you right now.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
