I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
