so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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