Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We left the knife in your bed.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
