this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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