I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
