you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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