he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
