Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
