All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
