I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
