I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
