Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize