Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
