i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
