she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just forgot I was standing up.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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