She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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