There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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