Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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