ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
